Hi family...
Well spring break has come and gone and we have just finished a whole week back to our "normal" routine. It's been a tough week for me personally on many fronts and it wasn't until Thursday I finally started getting my feet back underneath me.
During spring break I had several followup doctors appointments with a German doctor in Hamburg. Lets just say that I was again reminded that the Germans culturally don't use the same curtesy filter the Americans do when they speak. If you wanna hear it like it is with no fluff than ask a local German what they think OR just have a conversation with them and your gonna get a bit of it anyway.
This doctor is a specialist and I went to see him on a referral from my primary american doctor. There was some concern that I may have Lupus, an autoimmune disease, so I needed further blood testing to rule it out. After the German doctor heard my symptoms he said "there is probably nothing wrong with you. At your age these symptoms are most likely because you are fat and your body is not meant to carry so much weight. You eat to much". Ouch! Really... Ouch! I was so upset by his inability to see past my weight that when he took my blood pressure it was 150/100!
This is me getting my blood drawn in the German Klinikum. They just bring the syringe and collection tubes to the waiting room and draw the blood right there.
(Waiting room)
(Cup full of collection tubes)
(Me laughing at Arlan laughing)
When I went back for my follow up on my lab results (5 pages of comprehensive blood work) and a lumbar MRI he said "your blood work is almost perfect which is NOT common for someone as big as you. Your vitamin D is low, I will give you a prescription. You also have osteoarthritis in your lower back because you are to heavy. So what is your problem and why do you not feel well? You eat to much. You must stop or else when you are 60 you will be very sick and in a lot of pain." OUCH. I told him I really work at eating healthy. I don't eat pastas, I don't use much sugar or eat sweets, I rarely eat bread or dairy products. I eat three meals a day and I have tried just about every diet in the book. His response "I don't eat breakfast and I eat one yogurt for lunch then I eat dinner. If I ate 3 meals a day like you than I would be as round as you. You eat to much for what your body needs. Also exercise... You must build muscle to help you". Final diagnosis... Lose weight and take vitamin D supplements plus increase thyroid meds.
Ok, so an American doctor wouldn't just say that so directly. I guess I was searching for the "truth" about why I didn't feel well and I got it right in my face. Unfortunately I didn't take it so well. It pushed so many hidden buttons inside me that I got upset and decided to eat whatever I wanted! A rebellious and immature response. :(
The one thing I can never, ever eat without really making me sick is anything with corn in it.
I've know this for about 5 or 6 years now. If I eat anything with corn in it, corn kernels, corn syrup, corn starch, ect it's like having the flu with a big dose of depression on top of it. It is miserable for me and for my family. Well... In my super mature response to the doctors diagnosis I deciding to eat whatever I wanted and I at several things with corn products in it. Yup, I did it knowingly but rebelliously! It made for a miserable week. I didn't want to do anything and I was a major downer to my family. The worst thing though was I wasn't hurting the doctor or his feelings one bit by my rebellion to his direction. I hurt me and the ones I love. Pretty dumb... And THAT is the lesson of rebelliousness... The person who suffers the most is the one who actually did the rebelling in the first place, which in this case was ME!
It is making me think about all the times I have rebelled agains the "authority figures" in my life ... Whether God, my parents, My husband, or anyone else... I am really the only one who long term lives with the resulting hurts. How is that worth the rebelling? Ha... It is so not!
As for my weight... I have to keep on trying. So far I have manage to lose 15lbs over the last 4 or 5 months. A small but steady step in the right direction. I just need to keep going. The doctor was right about what is keeping the weight on. I didn't want to be completely honest with myself about my binge eating or my serious struggle to be active and exercise. My body clearly was giving away my "secret" even when I was trying to project the image of having a healthy habits lifestyle.
In Ephesians 4 it talks about the benefits of speaking the truth in love... Well the doctor, who is highly recommended in his field, cared enough about my long term health to call me on being obese. My response was to be upset he wasn't as considerate and kind as I thought he should have been. I wanted him to acknowledge that the hard work I have done so far shows in my blood work. Normal levels of cholesterol, glucose, ect... But that is only a part of being health. His pointed responses were to help me be healthy as a whole person.
I have to keep adding exercise into my daily routine but I don't want to. My super athletic friend says I need a personal trainer to help me building some health habits in areas where I have no healthy habits. Maybe after our summer vacation we can set aside some money for that.
until then... If you are reading this your prayers to God on behalf of my journey in permanent weight lose would be much appreciated.
Thank you family for your love!
We sure miss you...
